Dr. Robi Suggests a Little Love and Understanding

What should you do when you catch a spouse or child looking at porn? Dr. Robi provides some psychological background and a few tips:

There are different types of motivation for behavioral change: negative and positive. Negative motivation focuses on what I don’t want in my life (what I hate). Positive motivation focuses on what I do want in my life (what I love). One type of motivation seeks to replace something because it’s deficient; the other recognizes something is worth protecting or investing in, because it’s valuable.

Negative motivation typically comes from a place of guilt about our actions because they are at odds with our identity. In psychology, this experience is called cognitive dissonance. Shame creeps in when we start to hate ‘who’ we are becoming, based on our repeated poor behavioral choices.

Feelings of guilt and shame contribute to a sense of worthlessness and emotional pain. Our…

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